Whether you have just moved to a new town or country, or you feel like you may not have as much in common with some of your older friendships, it’s normal to feel lonely as an adult from time to time.
But unlike when you were a kid and just walked up to anyone and asked if they wanted to play, navigating how to make new friends as an adult is a little bit trickier. Past experiences, insecurities, fear of rejection and social expectations may come in to play when we’re older, acting as a barrier to meet others.
But as we’re social creatures, connecting and meeting other humans is a wonderful part about life. Learning from each other, having each other’s back and creating memories together is what friends are for. Also, it’s great to have someone to drink rosé with on the weekend
Here are some straightforward ways to make friends as an adult.
Make the first move
Asking someone on a friend date may feel a bit strange (albeit a tad awkward) the first time you do it. And that’s exactly why, because it may be your very first time. We usually are friends with our school or uni mates, work colleagues and our partner’s friends, the relationships developing organically through mutual connection and shared interests.
The world’s a big place, and there are a lot of interesting, funny and smart people out there that you don’t know.
Most people like meeting new people and are just afraid to make the first move. If you find yourself at a café and start speaking to the person sitting next to you (here are some great Tauranga cafés with atmosphere), or you really like your friendly neighbor, take a breath and ask them if they would like to catch up sometime. A coffee or walk is a good start.
Join a local sports team
Who doesn’t have fond memories of playing team sports growing up as a kid? The excitement and anticipation, the running around and eating a sausage sizzle on white bread after- what’s not to love? Team sports also instilled in us some really important life lessons- like working together to reach a common goal and believing in yourself.
Joining a local sports team is a great way to meet people out of your circle group and those who you may normally not cross paths with. W it’s soccer, netball or volleyball, find something you enjoy and you’ll be sure to meet some new people.
Plus, it’s a great way to work up a sweat and release some of those feel-good endorphins.
Say “yes”
This doesn’t necessarily mean you should start saying say “yes” to everything that’s asked of you (in fact, here are some tips to start saying “no” without feeling guilty, in case you have issues with that). What it does mean though is that putting yourself out of your comfort zone, doing things you may not normally do, or heading out for the day and night instead of being at home, will give you a bigger chance of meeting potential friends.
If you usually don’t go to your after-work drinks on a Friday, maybe go for a few weeks and see what happens. If there’s a charity event coming up in your local community and you normally wouldn’t attend, put your hand up one time and help out. Or if someone you don’t know that well asks you to catch up, don’t hesitate.
Use technology
While there definitely are some downsides to our ever-increasing dependence on technology, it has also created endless opportunities and possibilities. You may not have the time to go down to your local library or want to join a dance class, downloading an app, on the other hand, to meet new friends can be relatively seamless. Andyou can do it while wearing track pants!
Bumble BFF is a good place to start. Similar to its version for romantic relationships, you create a profile and swipe and talk with others. Facebook also has a bunch of groups you can join and meet others, such as ones for travellers, gardeners or surfers.
Be open
The most important thing to remember when we’re meeting new people is to be open. Too often we judge a book by its cover or if we’re talking humans, the clothes or the car. We subconsciously dismiss people before we’ve even had a conversation with them.
Some of our greatest friendships in life may be ones where both parties have entirely different views – and that includes religion and politics too (probably best to leave those conversations until at least your second catch up).
Be open and free of judgment when meeting new and wonderful people in the hope that others will look at you in the same light. Stay curious, stay friendly, and stay kind. And who knows, your next wine-drinking buddy could be just around the corner!