Affirmations, therapy, your best friends. There are so many sources of phrases you should be telling yourself to feel better / more motivated / less stressed that we often forget about the flip side of the coin – things you should avoid telling yourself in the first place.
Let’s face it, us human beings are bloody clingy. And more often than not we tend to cling to the wrong things. Like, false beliefs that keep us in our comfort zone. ‘I’m not educated enough to ask for a promotion’, ‘My bestie always knew how to dress better’, ‘My kids know I secretly cry ugly helpless cries after spending too much time with them and hate me for that’, etc. We’ve all had these thoughts at least once.
Truth is, no matter how obvious these statements seem to us, they’re nothing more than a reflection of our self-doubts, draining out your mental health. Here are a couple of the most wide-spread and the most destructive lies we keep telling ourselves. They do no good for our mental health and should be forbidden once and for all.
‘I’m not good enough’. Everyone has had this moment. The moment when crystal-clear realisation that we’re not good enough for something – a new job, true love, exceptional health – strikes like lightning. And to say it happens just once would be a huge understatement. But the thing is, when you convince yourself you’re not good enough for something, chances are, you won’t even try to attempt it. While it may look like the outcome just proves your point, the reality is you didn’t even try. So, stop convincing yourself and start doing instead. If you fail – you fail. But not before you try.
‘I just can’t do it anymore’ or ‘I can’t stand it’. Snapping at the most annoying person in the world in the middle of dinner, sending dishes full of pasta Alfredo flying across the room whilst yelling ‘I can’t stand it’ might be a pretty powerful scene. A feisty one. A scene where you speak for yourself. But it also shows that you simply can’t handle feeling uncomfortable. Instead of saying ‘I can’t stand it’, choose to say ‘I choose not to tolerate this any longer’. Be in control of your decisions, choose what’s better for you, don’t just run away from uncomfortable situations. And preferably let that pasta be, you might as well get back to it later, in blissful silence.
‘My mental health issues prevent me from achieving this’. Come on, it’s the 21st Century! Being a person without any mental health problems these days means you can easily find yourself on the wrong side of the glass fence in a zoo, with all the damaged, struggling people staring at your beaming health persona in awe. We all have our issues. And we all fight our battles. And we all lose sometimes. But sometimes we also win. So, remind yourself that no matter what’s going on in your head right now, that can’t stop you from living your best life, from taking one – even tiny – step towards your goal.
‘I don’t have enough willpower’. Wrong. You might have too much love for ice cream and Netflix but that has nothing to do with your willpower. It’s just an excuse you’re using to save yourself from an unpleasant task. ‘I don’t have enough time to finish it today but I will do a little bit now and continue tomorrow’ is the spirit we’re looking for. ‘I surrender to ice cream and Netflix today but will get back to this task tomorrow’ is also an acceptable one (unless it’s the third month in a row you’re using it). But never, ever settle on the finality of ‘not having enough willpower’.
‘I’m not like them’. Which is just another way of saying ‘I’m not good enough’, so go re-read the first paragraph, we’ll wait. We hate to break it to you but you’re probably not that much different from your colleagues, or your workout buddies, or your art classes’ acquaintances. Thinking that you’re different, that people around you are more talented or more productive is normal. But don’t forget, you only see the tip of the iceberg – their final results. We rarely see the process. Even less do others show us their struggles and failures. So, stop comparing. We’re all going through the same (well, more or less). You never reach your greatest potential by comparing yourself with your competitors. You only do it by working hard and believing in yourself.