When was the last time you didn’t respond with a classic ‘Oh Gosh, I’m so busy!’ when someone asked you how your week was going? If you can’t remember, you’ve probably been piling on too many tasks both at work and home lately. It’s time to stop saying ‘yes’ by default and learn to say ‘no’.
Practice saying ‘no’ at home
No need to throw yourself into a real situation straight away. If saying ‘no’ isn’t your strongest point at the moment, you might want to practice first. Jot down a few lines you can use with your colleagues or your friends and family when they want you to do something that’s not very convenient or pleasant for you. Try to find convincing but polite words. Now go to the mirror and repeat them again and again. Treat this whole process as setting up a new habit. It takes 21 days of consistency for anything to become a habit so repeating your lines at least 21 times sounds like a good idea! It will be way easier to pronounce them in real life once you become really accustomed to how they sound.
Start small
Even the bravest of us don’t go from a soft yes-woman to a firm professional, pointing out to your boss that this annoying new duty isn’t a part of your contract, in one night. Start with something less significant but that will still count as an achievement. Perhaps you don’t really feel like walking the dog today and, in fact, it’s your husband’s turn? And we’re pretty sure your colleague will survive without her morning coffee even if you ‘drive past the cafe anyway’.
Don’t go into too many details
An urge to explain our unexpected behaviour is a mistake we all make when learning to say ‘no’. Resist your brain’s desire to go into irresolute mumbling mode and fire out too many excuses at once. Remember what you’ve been practicing and keep your refusal short, firm and professional – don’t look away and maintain your confident pose.
Treat saying ‘no’ as your self-care routine
Imagine that wonderful relaxing bath you can have and an interesting TV show you can watch after a long week at work! And all it takes is just saying ‘no’ to your friends who prefer to spend Friday nights at the bar. And while there’s nothing wrong with socialising, if all you really want to do tonight is have some ‘me’ time, remember – saying ‘no’ is not selfish, it’s an act of self-love and it’s good for your mental health! Downtime fulfills and energises us, so next time you’ll be much happier to spend a night out with friends. Because when we’re depleted inside there’s nothing we can give others! Think of yourself first.
Get inspired
We all have that cousin, friend or colleague who is really good at setting up boundaries. Find a person like that and get inspired – what words do they use, how do they know when to stop, how do they avoid that deeply uncomfortable feeling of guilt afterwards? We always turn to experts when we don’t have our own solutions, so finding your own expert who says ‘no’ will make it easier for you to just watch and learn.
Fake it till you make it
Take a deep breath, count to three and just do it! You don’t have to FEEL confident to LOOK confident. Sometimes pretending is our only weapon but by using it, you’ll find yourself growing more and more confident in saying ‘no’ every day.
