How often do you focus on the things you do wrong, rather than those you do right? How often do you feel uncomfortable or self-conscious when someone shows their appreciation towards you or gives you a compliment? And, even when you’re reflecting on some of your own admirable characteristics you get coy and shift your thoughts onto other things?
So, how do we change this around and positively appreciate our great qualities? Perhaps the key is to treat ourselves with self-compassion when we’re evaluating our shortcomings and, instead, refer to the process as self-appreciation.
According to the website LifeHack: “To love yourself is to experience freedom – freedom from doubt, self-hate, and oppression created by you. To love yourself is no longer holding yourself back from what you deserve… Self-love is a choice, a commitment to yourself that you will love yourself, despite all the social and biological obstacles in your path. It is not found in a place, person, or item.”
Let’s Look at 5 Ways You Can Appreciate Yourself More
1. Just Decide
As with most things, first you have to decide to do something and self-appreciation is no different. It’s a decision you have to make for yourself… no one else can do it for you. You have to choose what you want and let go of all the toxic thoughts of self-loathing and doubt.
Say no to all your internal self-hatred and be honest. This is the time to acknowledge that you aren’t perfect, and that it’s okay. Start by giving yourself permission to appreciate who you are and celebrate the amazing things you have done in your life. Allow yourself to be grateful for who you are.
Acknowledging appreciation of yourself is the first step in the process.
2. Check Your Negative Beliefs
When it comes to self-esteem, our self-talk and subconscious aren’t always on our side so this is where it’s important to disrupt the mental patterns that have you focused on your failures and defects.
Teach your mind to recognise all the falsehoods that keep popping up in your thinking.
Feeling like a loser doesn’t mean you are a failure. Remember that!
Examine any evidence to support your findings. Just because a friend doesn’t respond quickly to your text, doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you or that she’s blowing you off. Don’t let yourself get into that negative spiral.
Focus on the great comments or feedback that people give you rather than the one negative comment that you read or hear.
3. Compassionately React To Blunders and Setbacks
You don’t have to rebuke yourself for every mistake or blunder that you make. Research shows that reacting to your own mistakes with compassion increases your self-esteem and makes you a more competent and resourceful individual. Fight back against the inner critic that tends to distort reality:
- There aren’t many things in life that are ‘all or nothing.’ Even if things don’t go as planned, it doesn’t imply that it was all bad and that nothing good came from it.
- One setback does not define you for the rest of your life.
- Call those feelings of negativity and pessimism into question by reminding yourself: “Things didn’t go my way, but that’s ok, it doesn’t mean they always will go badly.”
4. Let Go Of Perfection Ideology
You will never be faultless or flawless; no one will ever be. Don’t let this prevent you from appreciating yourself. It’s easy to be hard on yourself for not being perfect or sufficient. Don’t focus on what you don’t have, rather on what you do have. As many of the great motivational speakers say: “What you focus on expands” – so may sure you are focusing on good and positive things.
5. Learn To Say No
Instead of overcommitting, prioritise your personal needs. Respect your own boundaries and learn to say no to things that will create a lot of stress on you. The unthinking ‘yes’ in answering any request is a form of ‘people-pleasing’ that prioritises everyone else’s interests before your own.
