How protective are you of yourself? It’s a funny question to ask yourself because very rarely do we think about it. Emotionally protecting yourself is standing up for yourself when you need to, taking a step back when you need to, letting others know where you stand, communicating your expectations, and prasticing good boundaries. When we have boundaries in place, we can protect ourselves and protect our relationships from being corroded by miscommunication and feelings of resentment. Self-protection is just as important as having compassion for yourself.
Arguments with siblings in childhood can sometimes be healthy because they can teach you conflict resolution and how to get through disagreements with people that you love and are close to you. Parents can teach self-protective skills by allowing children to express their feelings and raise issues freely, without the fear of criticism, and it teaches children they are there to be supportive and work through issues together. Not everybody has good self-protection skills. If you were never allowed to speak up or express yourself as a child, then speaking up for yourself as an adult can feel strange and difficult.
When you haven’t developed self-protective skills, it can leave you wide open to be taken advantage of by others and you can also feel helpless or powerless to resolve situations. Self-protection skills are really important! It is never too late to learn how to be more protective of yourself to help support your own well-being and mental health.
When you are self-protective you can have the confidence that your life is your own and you do not need to give in to the wants and desires of others because ultimately you make the decisions for yourself in your life. When you place more importance on meeting the expectations of others and how other people want you to live your life, you give away your own power and personal agency. We might not realise we are building our lives around other people’s expectations of us when we choose a career path to please our parents or give up a hobby to please our partners. Thinking about what is important to make you feel happy, healthy and whole is a good way to figure out the parts of you that you want to be the most protective of.
Self-protection is being protective of yourself, your own values, personal choices, and desires.
When you feel in control of how you live your life, you recognise that you are your own CEO. Yes, other people might be able to give you advice and suggestions but at the end of the day you can decide what is best for you. It’s being able to manage feelings of guilt if they arise when you set a boundary or disappoint someone because you made an executive decision for your own well-being. This can be hard when you are balancing other people’s wants, needs, and expectations of you. Remember that unconditional love can’t be earnt by living your life on someone else’s terms. You have a right to be your own independent self without having to justify yourself to others.
Here are some ideas on how to be protective of yourself:
- Check in with yourself – how are your energy levels, what are your self-care needs right now?
- Do you need to take a step back from anything in your life right now?
- Are there relationships or work environments that are no longer serving you?
- Put energy into planning and structuring your life with things that lead to long-term stability.
- Have the courage to release things and people from your life that make you feel unsafe.
- Create boundaries in your life that protect you and your relationships with others.
If you didn’t get much of an opportunity to express yourself growing up or there was a large cost to communicating your true feelings, self-protection can be a lot harder in adulthood. Maybe you have never consciously thought about being protective of yourself, but we all need to practise this. Self-protection helps us hold on to our sense of self and know who we are without getting lost in our relationships.
Being self-protective means being able to support and protect yourself when you need to. It can mean taking a step back from relationships that are not very healthy for you or taking a break from the relationships that might be energy draining because your cup is empty. Other people may not understand why you make your decisions and that is ok because no one else walks in your shoes but you. In order to support your well-being you need to be able to protect yourself and hold on to your own energy when there is not much gas left in your tank. This makes giving to people much more genuine when you can because there is no chance of resentment.
Are you as protective of yourself as you need to be?
