Kati Ludwig from Mind Your Karma writes about Tuning into the Wisdom of Your Body’s “No”.
Last month we explored Balancing Motherhood and Ambition, and the self-leadership it takes to hold both. This month we’re going deeper into one of the loudest signals our bodies send when that balance gets hard: rage.
As we move through midlife, our bodies speak in new ways. The dishes left on the counter. “What’s for dinner?” at 5:01pm. Another “quick” work request at 6:30pm.
One second you’re fine. The next second you’re seeing red. Then the guilt hits: “Why am I like this? I’m losing control.”
You’re not losing control. You’re losing tolerance. And your body has wisdom for you.
The Body: A Bridge to Our Inner “No”
Our body is more than reactions. It’s a gateway to our limits. Rage is often the body’s fastest, most honest way to say “this doesn’t work anymore.”
By tuning into the sensations of rage – heat in your chest, clenched jaw, tight hands – we can access insight before shame takes over. Your body remembers what you’ve been carrying for years. Now it’s inviting you to set it down.
Why Rage Feels New in Midlife
We’re told: “You have anger issues.” “Is it PMS?” “Just meditate more.”
For women 40+, there’s a missing piece: perimenopause.
During perimenopause, progesterone becomes erratic and drops. Progesterone supports GABA in the brain – your natural calming system. Less progesterone = less buffer for friction. The things you’ve managed, smoothed over, and carried for decades? Your nervous system stops agreeing to them.
This isn’t a character flaw. It’s physiology. Your body changed. Your boundaries need to change too.
The Four Dimensions of “No”
Rage often points to an unmet need across the four dimensions we’ve been exploring:
1. Physical Needs:
Rest, space, less sensory input, safety from constant demands
2. Emotional Needs:
To be seen, to share the mental load, to not be the default manager
3. Mental Needs:
Mental quiet, focus without interruption, freedom from endless decisions
4. Spiritual Needs:
Integrity, self-respect, living in alignment instead of over-giving
When rage rises, pause and ask: “Which dimension is asking for a boundary right now?”
Embodied Practises for Working with Rage
1. Body Mapping the Signal:
When heat rises, pause. Scan your body. Where do you feel rage first? Jaw? Chest? Hands? Ask: “What is this sensation telling me about my limit today?”
2. Needs Journaling:
Write down the moment rage showed up. Then complete: “Underneath that rage, my body needed…” Physical? Emotional? Mental? Spiritual?
3. Boundary Practise Without Apology:
Rage strips away over-explaining. Use that clarity. Practise one short sentence. “I’m not cooking tonight.” “I’m offline after 6pm.” “Dishes get washed by whoever uses them.” Notice your body after. Relief = you named the boundary.
4. 90-Second Reset:
Rage floods your system with adrenaline. Your body needs to complete the stress cycle. 90 seconds of jumping jacks, brisk walking, or shaking out your hands helps your brain come back online.
From Dr. Emily Nagoski’s research.
Practical Steps to Deepen Your Practise
> Schedule 2 minutes daily for a “body check-in”. Ask: “What am I tolerating today that I no longer want to tolerate?”
> Explore somatic practises like gentle yoga or tai chi to notice body signals before they become rage.
> Use a pause before responding. Rage is fast. Boundaries don’t have to be. “Let me think about that and get back to you” is a complete sentence.
Resources to Support Your Journey
– Book:
The Perimenopause Revolution by Dr. Lucy Peppiatt – clear chapter on mood, hormones, and rage
–Book:
Burnout by Emily + Amelia Nagoski – completing the stress cycle so anger doesn’t get stuck
–Practise:
Body Scan meditation with focus on jaw, shoulders, belly – where rage lives
–Course:
Join my course Authentic Steps to Emotional Wellbeing, where we practise turning body signals into clear boundaries.
Find out more and sign up here!
Closing Thought
Embodied self-leadership means listening to all of your body’s messages – not just the gentle ones. Rage isn’t proof you’re failing at calm. It’s proof your boundaries are ready to be born.
May this month bring you more trust in your body’s wisdom, kinder words for yourself when rage shows up, and the courage to speak one clear “no” without apology.
